In an historic union of public and private sector interests, Toronto Mayor Rob Ford has inked a deal to have the Tim Hortons coffee empire take over management of the Toronto Public Library system.
“It’s a natural fit,” said Ford, who credited his brother Doug with the inspiration for the scheme. “I mean, the only difference between a library and a Tim Hortons is the coffee. You’ve basically got a lot of lowlifes sitting around effing the dog all day.”
“Mind you, the coffee might actually make libraries worth the trip,” added Doug, who will be quitting his position as a city councillor to take up a senior management position with Tim Hortons. “From where I’m sitting, Roll Up The Rim has done a lot more for literacy than any commie-pinko novelist ever has.”
Tim Hortons president Paul House says he has big plans for Toronto’s libraries, including a massive sell-off of old inventory to make room for retail space.
“We just want to even the balance a bit,” said House. “At the end of the day, your average Joe isn’t going to miss Plato or Joyce or any of those guys. But don’t take away his double-double!”
Tim Hortons founder Tim Horton could not be reached for comment.
PHOTO BY MJB84
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Rob Ford and his brother Doug certainly sound like a pair of dumb hillbillies in this article. Clearly, they don’t read ,haven’t been in a public library in decades, have no idea what the range of services offered are, and have no real idea of the role a local library plays in the lives of a community.
LOL! Thanks for this. You made my day. Funny, but scarily believable.
If Toronto truly wants to become a world class city, shouldn’t it be Starbucks that takes over the library system?
Now that Indigo is kicking books off the shelf to make room for doo-dads, maybe they could be the new library system and bring the books back. But wait a minute, they’d probably want to charge a fee for that…
“If Nino Ricci walked past me on the sidewalk, I wouldn’t even recognize her.” Doug Ford
Nice one.
Blogbot your pen is indeed mightier than the sword, and with library injustice rampant it is time we all pitch in and get you a cape!