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Tim Hortons to Take Over Toronto Libraries

Photo by mjb84In an historic union of public and private sector interests, Toronto Mayor Rob Ford has inked a deal to have the Tim Hortons coffee empire take over management of the Toronto Public Library system.

“It’s a natural fit,” said Ford, who credited his brother Doug with the inspiration for the scheme. “I mean, the only difference between a library and a Tim Hortons is the coffee. You’ve basically got a lot of lowlifes sitting around effing the dog all day.”

“Mind you, the coffee might actually make libraries worth the trip,” added Doug, who will be quitting his position as a city councillor to take up a senior management position with Tim Hortons. “From where I’m sitting, Roll Up The Rim has done a lot more for literacy than any commie-pinko novelist ever has.”

Tim Hortons president Paul House says he has big plans for Toronto’s libraries, including a massive sell-off of old inventory to make room for retail space.

“We just want to even the balance a bit,” said House. “At the end of the day, your average Joe isn’t going to miss Plato or Joyce or any of those guys.  But don’t take away his double-double!”

Tim Hortons founder Tim Horton could not be reached for comment.

PHOTO BY MJB84
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Filed Under: News Archive Tagged With: Doug Ford, Margaret Atwood, Rob Ford, Tim Hortons, Toronto Public Library

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Comments

  1. anne wong says

    August 22, 2011 at 1:14 PM

    Rob Ford and his brother Doug certainly sound like a pair of dumb hillbillies in this article. Clearly, they don’t read ,haven’t been in a public library in decades, have no idea what the range of services offered are, and have no real idea of the role a local library plays in the lives of a community.

    Reply
  2. Doug Smith says

    August 19, 2011 at 1:51 PM

    LOL! Thanks for this. You made my day. Funny, but scarily believable.

    Reply
  3. Ron Stadnik says

    August 19, 2011 at 6:54 AM

    If Toronto truly wants to become a world class city, shouldn’t it be Starbucks that takes over the library system?

    Now that Indigo is kicking books off the shelf to make room for doo-dads, maybe they could be the new library system and bring the books back. But wait a minute, they’d probably want to charge a fee for that…

    Reply
  4. Chris Sasaki says

    August 16, 2011 at 6:58 PM

    “If Nino Ricci walked past me on the sidewalk, I wouldn’t even recognize her.” Doug Ford

    Reply
    • blogbot says

      August 17, 2011 at 4:10 PM

      Nice one.

      Reply
  5. WordGirl says

    August 10, 2011 at 7:40 PM

    Blogbot your pen is indeed mightier than the sword, and with library injustice rampant it is time we all pitch in and get you a cape!

    Reply

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Nino Ricci

About Nino

Nino Ricci is the author of award-winning novel The Origin of Species and of the Lives of the Saints trilogy, adapted as a miniseries starring Sophia Loren. For more on Nino's life and work, including his acclaimed biography of Pierre Trudeau, contact Nino's parole officer. Or you can also poke around this nifty … Read more.

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